Many many years ago, I started doing something called “the
quote of the day”.
Many many years ago = approximately fourteen years.
(I am 28 now, and fourteen years ago was half a lifetime ago
for me. YIKES.)
I got my first job at the tender age of 14, and it was at a
little ice cream shop on Lake Poinsett. The ice cream shop was called Twisters
and no longer exists – the building has been through several names/food
specialties and is currently a barbecue place called Smokins.
One of the perks of my job at Twisters was unlimited
fountain pop during working hours. In retrospect, that may not have been the
wisest thing to offer a bunch of teenagers, as we drank our weight in Mountain
Dew every damn day.
We had Styrofoam cups for our pop, and you – of course –
were expected to put your name on the pop so that no one mistook your germy
drink for their own. I started off doing just this: a simple “Calla” in
permanent marker sufficed for the first week or two.
But, as I am a weirdo, “Calla” just wasn’t enough.
I started off slowly. Instead of writing my name on my cup,
I would instead write “Batman” or “Art Garfunkel” or whatever pop culture
persona I was into at the time. This, too, got old quickly.
I wish I could remember where I got the idea, or what my
first quote was. But my cup labeling system soon evolved into a quote of the
day. I would write a song lyric or a quote from a movie on my Styrofoam cup
each and every day. My coworkers got a kick out of it for a while, but soon, I
was just doing it for my own entertainment. It got to the point where I would
make lists of potential quotes for my Styrofoam cup, and I would pore over them
carefully before heading to work. After all, it was of utmost importance that I
pick a good one.
I worked at Twisters for two summers, and for two summers, I
put a quote of the day on my drink cup. After that second summer, I knew I
wouldn’t be going back to Twisters, thus ending the reign of my quotes. Unless…
…I started writing a quote of the day in my school
assignment book.
Upon entering high school, each of the students was given an
assignment book that we (under penalty of death) were to have on our person at
all times. Why it was so imperative for us to have this book still confounds
me. Sure, our teachers wanted us to write our assignments down. Sure, we used
the back few pages to sign in and out of class – to go to the bathroom, band
lessons, etcetera. But if we were caught anywhere without this book, we earned
Saturday School points, which are exactly what they sound like.
I didn’t do assignment book quotes of the day until my
sophomore year, but when I started, I did it with such gusto that my friends
began asking me what the quote of the day was – and my friend Bob started doing
his own quotes of the day. We would constantly quote our friends, and it was a
great honor when something you said became a quote of the day. (I know that
sounds terribly smug, but I’m speaking from experience: whenever Bob deigned a
quip from me worthy of quote of the day, I felt like I had accomplished
something great.)
Much like the days of Twisters quote of the day, I gathered
quotes everywhere for possible use in my assignment book. I had notebook pages
full of them, and even reserved a special gel pen for my quote of the day.
(Green, in case you were curious.) Each and every day had one – in some cases,
even days where we weren’t in school had a quote of the day.
Miraculously, I still have all three of those assignment
books. I unearthed them from my childhood closet and hauled them home with me.
I feel like I owe it to the hard work of my high school self to share some of
these ridiculous quotes.
So now, with much ado, I present to you the first of a
three-part quote of the day series. For each year of assignment book quotes, I
have picked out my ten favorites. They are in chronological order, from beginning of the school year to the end. Some are from friends, some are from family.
Some are from movies, some from TV shows and books. All of them made me smile
and stirred up long-archived memories of my bizarre high school days.
I also present them to you in my original teenager
handwriting. You’re welcome.
PART I: SOPHOMORE YEAR
2002 – 2003
what you need to know
I thought it might be helpful to provide a little background
information on my sophomore year self, which might help make sense of the
quotes I chose. I was 15 (turning 16 in April), and I was the textbook
definition of an awkward teenager. Glasses, braces, acne, unnecessary teenage
angst, the whole package. I drove a 1987 Buick Park Avenue and convinced myself
that wearing Spider-man shoes was cool. I got a big kick out of obscure movies,
music, and TV shows, as it was a great desire of mine to know things that other
people didn’t. I was kind of a dick.
Here are some of my sophomore year “favorites,” taken
directly from a K-12 school memories book that I filled out religiously from
the time I was four until the day I graduated high school.
This should give you a little perspective on my sophomore-year persona. All you really need to know is that I was insufferably sarcastic, a trait that may or may not be with me today.
the "school memories" page
 |
| You'll notice that I actually mention quote-of-the-day on this page. |
the assignment book
 |
| These books came with some kind of inspirational hologram on the cover, and I actually took fingernail polish and removed the whole thing... and then rubber-cemented my own internet-printed images on the cover. I was insane. |
the quote
the explanation
Honestly, I don't have an explanation for this one. I'm reasonably certain I was quizzing my parents on the identities of the four Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and my dad - who likely missed out on the 80s cartoon - came up with the best non-answer possible. I WISH Liberace was the fourth Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
the quote
the explanation
Mr Kones was the algebra teacher, and I did not have him during my sophomore year. Instead, I had geometry. I'm sure this quote stemmed from me complaining about geometry (which really wasn't that bad and - in fact - ended up being the best math grade I ever received). Mr Kones was known for his pithy responses, and this is the first of many Mr Kones quotes to appear in my assignment books.
the quote
the explanation
During my sophomore year, I was OBSESSED with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. (Who am I kidding - I'm still obsessed.) Buffy was full of quotables, and this is one of many that made it into my assignment book that year.
the quote
the explanation
I am reasonably certain that my sophomore year was when we got internet access at our house, so I spent a LOT of time on the internet. I mean... A LOT. One of my favorite sites was called Rinkworks - which totally still exists and looks exactly like it did in 2002. One of their features is called Book-a-Minute, and they are HILARIOUS. Book-a-Minute condenses long and wordy books into a few sentences that can be read in, well, a minute. If you're looking to waste a couple of hours, I'd highly recommend it.
the quote
the explanation
My friend Sarah and I were both clarinet players, and we went to All-State Band auditions every year. It wasn't that we were particularly good... we were just the only ones willing to go (and were ok with missing a solid half-day of school for it). We played the same solo every year ("Beauty and Joy") and didn't study the terms until we were in the school Suburban on the way to auditions. Sarah was always good at coming up with ways for us to remember these terms, and this was one of my favorites.
the quote
the explanation
Mrs Murphy was the science teacher during my sophomore and junior years. She taught biology to the sophomores and always had an entertaining Power Point for each lesson. "Don't do business with dinoflagellates" came about during a lesson on shellfish, as dinoflagellates can accumulate in shellfish and become poisonous when eaten. Hence: not doing business with them.
the quote
the explanation
This was a fairly typical conversation between my friend Allison and me. I don't remember what exactly we were talking about, but you can bet your bottom dollar that it somehow involved Marathon Man. And how many high school sophomores do you know that talk about Marathon Man on a semi-regular basis? Not many, I'm sure: and that's why we were awesome.
the quote
the explanation
Sophomore year biology meant that we dissected all sorts of once-living creatures. We dissected a jellyfish, a crayfish, and a fetal pig - and likely other formaldehyded messes that I have since blocked out. The smell of the crayfish was especially potent, and I'm sure that I was quite vocal about that. Mrs Murphy encouraged us just to make friends, and it would all be ok. I don't think the crayfish thought that it was all ok.
the quote
the explanation
During the second semester of sophomore year, I was able to take an art class - and it was an absolute delight. We made our own paper and fired pottery (mine was terrible) and created reproductions of famous works of art. In between creating art, we learned about art history... which I would credit to my eventually going on to earn an art history degree. Ms Tuntland was the art teacher, and she was always eager to teach us about artists and art history, and we learned exactly why gargoyles were placed on buildings: to keep the demons out. Maybe I need a gargoyle to keep the damn neighbor kids from stealing the apples off our trees. Don't bother kids: we gargoyles are already here doing demonic stuff/stealing apples.
the quote
the explanation
At the end of sophomore year, Mrs Murphy totally blindsided Allison and me by giving each of us a copy of the Carol poster: a poster that had been up in her classroom all year, and one that we had envied and remarked upon almost every single day.
This poster is still hanging in my old room at my parents' house, and I am sorely tempted to bring it back with me to Luverne and hang it up here. It would make my house exponentially more awesome.
That concludes the first installment of the top ten quotes-of-the-day. Stay tuned for part II: junior year!
Honestly, I don't have an explanation for this one. I'm reasonably certain I was quizzing my parents on the identities of the four Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and my dad - who likely missed out on the 80s cartoon - came up with the best non-answer possible. I WISH Liberace was the fourth Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
the quote
Mr Kones was the algebra teacher, and I did not have him during my sophomore year. Instead, I had geometry. I'm sure this quote stemmed from me complaining about geometry (which really wasn't that bad and - in fact - ended up being the best math grade I ever received). Mr Kones was known for his pithy responses, and this is the first of many Mr Kones quotes to appear in my assignment books.
the quote
During my sophomore year, I was OBSESSED with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. (Who am I kidding - I'm still obsessed.) Buffy was full of quotables, and this is one of many that made it into my assignment book that year.
the quote
I am reasonably certain that my sophomore year was when we got internet access at our house, so I spent a LOT of time on the internet. I mean... A LOT. One of my favorite sites was called Rinkworks - which totally still exists and looks exactly like it did in 2002. One of their features is called Book-a-Minute, and they are HILARIOUS. Book-a-Minute condenses long and wordy books into a few sentences that can be read in, well, a minute. If you're looking to waste a couple of hours, I'd highly recommend it.
the quote
My friend Sarah and I were both clarinet players, and we went to All-State Band auditions every year. It wasn't that we were particularly good... we were just the only ones willing to go (and were ok with missing a solid half-day of school for it). We played the same solo every year ("Beauty and Joy") and didn't study the terms until we were in the school Suburban on the way to auditions. Sarah was always good at coming up with ways for us to remember these terms, and this was one of my favorites.
the quote
Mrs Murphy was the science teacher during my sophomore and junior years. She taught biology to the sophomores and always had an entertaining Power Point for each lesson. "Don't do business with dinoflagellates" came about during a lesson on shellfish, as dinoflagellates can accumulate in shellfish and become poisonous when eaten. Hence: not doing business with them.
the quote
the explanation
This was a fairly typical conversation between my friend Allison and me. I don't remember what exactly we were talking about, but you can bet your bottom dollar that it somehow involved Marathon Man. And how many high school sophomores do you know that talk about Marathon Man on a semi-regular basis? Not many, I'm sure: and that's why we were awesome.
the quote
Sophomore year biology meant that we dissected all sorts of once-living creatures. We dissected a jellyfish, a crayfish, and a fetal pig - and likely other formaldehyded messes that I have since blocked out. The smell of the crayfish was especially potent, and I'm sure that I was quite vocal about that. Mrs Murphy encouraged us just to make friends, and it would all be ok. I don't think the crayfish thought that it was all ok.
the quote
During the second semester of sophomore year, I was able to take an art class - and it was an absolute delight. We made our own paper and fired pottery (mine was terrible) and created reproductions of famous works of art. In between creating art, we learned about art history... which I would credit to my eventually going on to earn an art history degree. Ms Tuntland was the art teacher, and she was always eager to teach us about artists and art history, and we learned exactly why gargoyles were placed on buildings: to keep the demons out. Maybe I need a gargoyle to keep the damn neighbor kids from stealing the apples off our trees. Don't bother kids: we gargoyles are already here doing demonic stuff/stealing apples.
the quote
At the end of sophomore year, Mrs Murphy totally blindsided Allison and me by giving each of us a copy of the Carol poster: a poster that had been up in her classroom all year, and one that we had envied and remarked upon almost every single day.
------------------------------------------
That concludes the first installment of the top ten quotes-of-the-day. Stay tuned for part II: junior year!
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