the library and the lemon boiler.

In September 2023, the library got a new boiler.

"All right!" we said. "Just in time for winter!"

"Suckers" said the new boiler.

You see, our old boiler had been acting up for some time. I don't know exactly how old the "old" boiler was, but it was old enough so it was time to be replaced with something newer and flashier. 

Our old boiler's favorite trick was to roast whoever was in the basement. The library basement is where we hold our programs, and it is available as a meeting space for the public. For as long as I have been at the library (seven years in February), the basement has been HOT. I mean HOT. Hot enough to scrounge up fans to keep whoever was down there from passing out. 

Occasionally, the boiler chose to shut down for no apparent reason. It was essential to keep a spare sweater around for these boiler temper tantrums.

Either a heat wave or a cold snap from the boiler could happen no matter the season. The boiler did what it wanted, including leaking all over the basement at random intervals. It got so bad our HVAC guy gave us his direct number so we didn't have to go through the regular service line any more.

But then it was our turn for a new one! Our problems would be solved! We would deal with a little discomfort in September when we might not have air or heat for a brief period of time, but what a small price to pay for reliable heat and air.

We started having trouble almost immediately.

I can't remember what came first - the blistering heat or the icy cold. Whatever it was, it made the old boiler look like a mild breeze. There were days when it was as hot as 80 degrees or as cold as 56 degrees in the library.

Either way, we librarians did what we could to deal with it. On the hot days, we opened every window and door. We ordered extra fans and spread them through the library. We dressed for summer in the middle of winter. 

On the cold days, we did the opposite. We dressed for winter in the middle of summer: my go-to outfit was wool socks, snow boots, and two wool sweaters layered on top of each other. Oh, and fingerless gloves for attempting to type. You'd better believe we have blankets, too.

Like all good office employees, I have a snack drawer. In this snack drawer, among other things, I have candy. It's been so hot in here that my Reeses have melted into blobs, but so cold that my peanut M&Ms have more or less been in a freezer. 

This new boiler must have a vendetta against us. Right now, we are in the middle of a stretch of it freezing us out at the library - it's been between 59 and 57 at the library for three days. Our poor HVAC guy has been here the whole time and finally had to fire up the old boiler to get us through. Turns out the new boiler blew out not one, but both of its pumps. 

Who knew as a librarian I would be thinking so much about boilers?

If/when we replace our new boiler with a boiler that isn't terrible, I am going to go Office Space on that miserable thing. That beautiful thought is all that's keeping me warm on the inside right now.

press-on nails: a review.

For the last month or so, I have been on a white-hot press-on nail tear.

Which is completely unlike me.

Up until mid-October, I had never had press-on nails in my life.

Until one day, I got sick of my own stupid nails and decided to go for it.

You see, I - like basically everyone - prefer it when my nails look nice. One of my good friends will give me gel manicures, but she doesn't always have time for that. I liked the nail wraps (Colorstreet, etc), but those started to wreak havoc on my nails. And painting them? With two small children, that was out of the question. As was going to a salon to get them done - not enough time, and yikes the money.

Enter: the press-on nail.

Like a good librarian, I did my research before I bought my first press-on nails to try. Olive & June emerged as a clear favorite, so they were the first ones I decided to try. But then something just snapped, and I ordered a zillion other brands in a frenzy to keep myself distracted. 

And by "something," I mean "an intense state of depression and anxiety brought on by the election/cold/Daylight Savings/the endless cycle of thankless labor that is being a parent of young children."

Anyway.

Olive & June

NOTE: I tried these two different times - once with the glue (left) and once with the adhesive tabs (right). The adhesive tabs were better.

pros: 

They are a great price point at $8 for the adhesive ones and $10 for the glue-ons.

They are a favorite of beauty editors and magazines, so they were the first ones I opted to try.

The designs are CUTE, and they had options like chrome and a velvet effect. And glow-in-the-dark! I'm a sucker for glow-in-the-dark.

Reusable! That is, if you don't bust them all like I did with the first set.

cons:

You had to spend $45 to get free shipping, which, boo. That's a shit ton of fake nails when you're not sure if you want to commit. 

There were SO MANY SIZES. That could be a pro, but it also took sooooo long to find which ones would fit me best. The numbers to correspond to the sizes were very hard to read.

Since they were the first, it really could be my fault, but these popped off like crazy. One fell off within six hours, and within three days, almost all of them had fallen off and had to be re-glued at one time or another.

The nails were very curved. That could also be a factor in them not sticking.

They were super fragile. I broke a big piece off the side of my thumb the same afternoon I put them on (without doing anything vigorous; I didn't even know it happened).

All in all, I took them off after about four days.

imPress

 

pros:

They are a good price, and there are always coupon codes available. 

They have TONS of patterns and colors. This one has the second best variety (behind CurvLife). 

The adhesive is incredible. After a week, not one of the nails had budged. Not a one. I had to take them off manually, and even that was pretty easy. 

imPress also offers free shipping at $25, which is great - you don't have to spend a ton.

They have little number sizes on the adhesive, so if you figure out what your size is, you can just write it down and not waste time trying on a bunch of fake nails.

cons:

I couldn't get the nails to lay down at my cuticle. That meant every time I tried to do anything AT ALL with my hair - ponytail, washing, etc - my hair got caught. It drove me nuts. The nails would have stayed on way longer than a week, but I took them off because of that. I thought it was just me the first time (as they were only my second pair of nails), but the second time was the same - I got about half of them to lay down. 

The nails are not reusable because they are made of gel, not plastic. When you peel them off, they'll get all misshapen. However, the box comes with a whole lot of nails, so you might be able to get two manicures out of it.

CurvLife

pros:

They have a truly astounding variety of designs. Fancy designs are really what I'm in this for.

It was fairly easy to find my size.

They are quite affordable and go on sale all the time.

cons:

The set I'm wearing in the first photo was gorgeous, but the iridescent coat scratched off like crazy. I put a topcoat on it, but the topcoat itself sloughed off after a day.

The set in the second photo is only half CurvLife - the white nails are Olive & June. This is because the nails that actually came with this set were kind of hideous. Sadly, I lost one of the glittery gold ones on my right hand in under eight hours, so these were a thumbs down.

The adhesive stickers are a pain in the butt to work with and do not last. These nails too forever to put on because of it. My first nail fell off after a few hours.

The glue isn't much better. Once the adhesive stickers let go, I removed all the residue from the fake nail and my real nail and tried again with the glue. Still no dice. I took them off after four days since I was tired of resticking them constantly. 

These claim to be reusable - I tried a couple when I put on my white nails from Olive & June (see Olive & June review), but they fell off a lot. I'm not so sure. I think this will be my only CurvLife purchase.

Dashing Diva

I wore these on Election Day when
I still had hope for humanity. Sigh.

pros:

I LOVE their designs. Look at those fabulous sparkly accent nails.

These were probably the easiest to put on so far, but I couldn't tell you if that was the nails themselves or me gaining experience. 

The adhesive tapes were right on the nail, and the numbers were printed on the tab, making the sizes really easy to find. 

The internet says they're reusable - you just have to get new adhesive tabs, of course.

cons:

They were very thin at the tips and snagged easily. I was constantly trimming and filing them. They also didn't lie down very well at the cuticle. I'm not sure how long they would have lasted, but I anxiety-picked them off after four days.

Also, don't bother with their nail art stickers. They're trash.

Ivy & Ash

pros:

Phineas loved the color!

Supposedly reusable.

cons:

Expensive. I bought these on sale from a local boutique. 

They are SOOOOO long. I decided I was going to give longer ones the old college try, but I lasted about an hour before I was looking for a fingernail clipper like a freaking crackhead. 

I also couldn't get them to lie down at the cuticle, so they caught my hair. 

I took these off after four days as well. 

Ardell

pros:

Inexpensive. I also loved the designs.

Reusable - though I'm not sure I want to.

cons:

Even the "short" ones are ridiculously long. Like ridiculous. It took a super long time to trim them down to size and file them. 

The glue in my kit was completely solid and unusable. Luckily, I had extra sticky tabs from other kits, but if I hadn't, I would have been really upset.

They also look super fake, which I don't love. 

Glamnetic

pros:

These are highly rated among testers and beauty magazines.

They are THICK and high quality. These aren't breaking any time soon.

These are really easy to get on right at the cuticle so they lay flat - they're not going to get caught on my hair. I love that.

Reusable.

Glamnetic glue is supposed to be the holy grail of the nail glues, but in my experience, it's good and bad. I had at least one nail fly off each day from my left hand, but my right hand nails held strong until I took them off myself. 

cons:

Holy expensive - $20 a set. I bought these on sale from Ulta.

LONG. I'm wearing the "short almond" variety. I'm typing this as I'm wearing them, and it's really freaking hard. 

They don't have nearly as many fun patterns and effects as the other brands do.

This particular set is kind of see-through, so you can tell where the glue is. They claim to be re-usable, but I'm not too sure about that.

Glamnetic is one of several brands that claim to last "up to" 14 days. I'd like to know who these people are who can get 14 days out of these nails - especially the glue-on ones. They must have someone wait on them at all times; I can't even last a day without one of these things falling off.

Static

pros:

These are highly rated among testers and beauty magazines.

They also lie flat against my cuticles and don't get caught in my hair. Major points for this. 

I am kind of obsessed with these pink nails. I hope they are reusable as they claim, because I am in a serious relationship with them.

cons:

Lots of French nail options, which I don't particularly care for. (except for the pair I got - I feel like Barbie.)

They are expensive - $20 a set, BLECH. I bought this set on clearance.

The glue was terrible. These took me much longer to put on than I expected - and since these are my 9th set of nails, I'm basically a professional. Within the first six hours of wearing these, I'd reglued several nails at least five times, AND I'd lost one of them.

These are also pretty long for the "short" variety. I'm finding out that the almond shape for sure isn't for me, as the "short" tends to be longer than my comfort level. 

 Sally Hanson

pros:

They are the best price of all the press-ons out there. Five or six dollars?! Hell yeah.

cons:

They come mostly in normal colors, which isn't really my jam.

The ends were all jagged, so it took me a bit to get them filed and trimmed to how I wanted them to be.

Chillhouse

I chose these specifically because of Wicked.

pros:

This has been the best glue so far. It took almost 12 hours for a nail to fall off, and that's damn impressive compared to the rest. I only had one other nail fall off in the four days I wore them, and they were rather difficult to get off. This glue wins.

cons:

Expensive, again. I bought these on a Black Friday sale.

Not a ton of designs. Variety is the spice of life, as we know.

Paintlab

pros:

They are a mid-range, about $12. Worth it? If I love them/if they are reusable. 

Very easily sizeable. These nails arrived as talons (so pointy) and were very easy to trim down to my preferred size.

They lined up with my cuticle and laid flat! YAY!

cons:

Once again, they were falling off within twelve hours - one nail never to be seen again. I guess this is less a criticism of the nail and more of the glue. Next project: try all the nail glues out there, I guess.

TAKEAWAYS

There are a lot more press-on nails out there, but I'm a little bit anxious to share these with you. I've been at this since before Halloween, after all.

Hands-down my favorites are the nails that have the adhesive right on them: imPress and Dashing Diva. I do love the glue-on nails that lay flat against my cuticles, though, like Glamnetic and Static - I can't handle getting my hair stuck under my nails. 

Olive & June would probably be my glue-on nail of choice, though. They are inexpensive and have variety galore. I just need to find the right glue to get them to stay, and we'll be in business.

I need something that can handle my every-day life - I have kids, so I wash my hands a lot. I work in a library, so I'm handling books and typing and doing all sorts of not-gentle things to my hands. I am just not in the business of consciously looking out for my nails. That's why the glue-on doesn't work for me: if you bonk or snag your nail wrong, that fake nail is going to go flying, never to be seen again. Or if it is seen again, it's definitely going to gross someone out later.

THE VERDICT

My overall number one choice would have to be imPress. They've got the adhesive right on the nail (my favorite), so they're not going anywhere. They also have a solid amount of designs, both ultra fancy and straight-to-the-point. Plus, at $8-$12 per kit (and there's always a coupon code), the price right where you want it. As soon as I can figure out how to get them to be flush with the cuticle, I will be in fake nail heaven.

All in all, I am absolutely a fake nail convert after all this - it's a really fun, fast, and inexpensive way to brighten up your nails (or, in my case, your life when things are dragging you down). It's the little things, right?

a lifetime of Halloweens: 2024 edition.

(Editor's note: I originally wrote this just before Halloween 2015. However, as you know, time marches on... and Halloweens keep coming. So I have been adding to this post each year so as not to miss a Halloween. That means we, once again, get to revisit a lifetime of costumes. I can hardly wait.)

YOU GUYS IT'S FINALLY HALLOWEEN.

I am excited: per usual. I have had my costume picked out since last Halloween.

My costume is not just any costume. It kicks ass, and I can't wait to show it to you. However, there is a definite downside to having such an awesome costume. After this Halloween, I can NEVER WEAR IT FOR HALLOWEEN AGAIN.

Because I have a policy.

I cannot be the same thing for Halloween twice.

"But wait!" you say. "What about the zombies, huh? YOU ARE LYING!"

But no! I dress up as a zombie for specific zombie-themed events: not for Halloween itself. Doesn't count. It's the zombie clause in my self-imposed Halloween contract. (Also, I've never been the SAME zombie, so there's that). Same goes for any re-wearing of costumes (as you will soon see in 2018): I'm not wearing the old costume for Halloween ITSELF, so it doesn't count.

I must have decided on my no-repeats Halloween rule at a pretty young age: I have pictures going back to 1988, and you won't find any duplicates (with the special exception of Halloween theme parties that do not fall on Halloween itself). You will, however, find some darn cute pictures of me as a very excited child. 

I wish I had pictures of every Halloween, but I don't. I don't know what I was for Halloween 1987 - but I was a mere six months old and I am pretty sure that my parents dressed me up in the little skeleton costume you'll see on my sister in 1991 and my brother in 1993. 1992 is also missing, as are 1999 - 2001. While I am unsure about 1992, 1999 - 2001 was a dark time in my life... as I was deemed too old for trick-or-treating. I decided to forgo costumes those years, but I eventually realized that just because you're too old to trick-or-treat does NOT mean you're too old to dress up for Halloween. You're NEVER too old to dress up for Halloween, dammit. The only other year missing is 2009, but that was the year that I was in New Orleans. I was so excited to spend Halloween in New Orleans, but alas, it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. I didn't know anyone well enough to go out Halloweening with them, and even if I did, I didn't have enough money for a costume or drinks at the bar. I spent that Halloween curled up on my air mattress, watching Halloween episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and sad-eating Halloween candy from my landlady.

On the bright side? Pretty much every Halloween going forward is guaranteed to be better than that one.

So here we go: a pictorial history of Calla's Halloweens!

1988
Superman

I came across this picture in May when I was digging through a box of ancient photos in search of something embarrassing to post for Mother's Day. (You mean you DON'T share ridiculous photos of your mother from the 1980s on Mother's Day? Shame on you.) I was overjoyed, as 1988 had been one of my mysterious gap years. You have no idea how happy finding this picture made me.

1989
Mickey Mouse

Is this or is this not the cutest damn Mickey Mouse you've ever seen? I was about two-and-a-half, and Halloween was already my favorite holiday. Trick-or-treating in the country always meant that you'd come away with an enormous haul. We just had to hop in the minivan and drive from house to house. As not many trick-or-treaters make it out into the sticks where we lived, any house you went to would reward you with handfuls of candy. Or multiple full-sized candy bars. Or twelve-packs of pop. Country trick-or-treating is the best.

1990
pumpkin

My pumpkin makeup is a little bit hilarious. I'm not sure which parent was responsible for this, but I would like to know why exactly I have a red mouth instead of a black one. The jack o' lantern face on my sweatshirt has a black mouth - why not me? Am I a flesh-eating jack o' lantern? Or the child of artistically challenged parents? Let's go with that.

1991
witch

You may have noticed that all of my costumes involve long sleeves. Indeed, I live in the Midwest, so many of my Halloween costumes were planned around sweatshirts and winter coats. That's why I look so bulky: under my black sweatshirt was probably another sweatshirt. I believe 1991 was a particularly snowy Halloween, but there's no way that I wasn't going out trick-or-treating.

1993
princess

This princess dress came from a huge bin of my mom's old clothes that had been deemed "for dress-up." I played dress-up ALL the damn time, and it was a delight for me to be able to wear this out in public. To top it off, Mom made me glitter shoes: old dress shoes coated in glue and dipped in multi-colored glitter. They were the BEST.

1994
dog

I don't know where this costume came from, but I do remember that it was supposed to be a bunny suit. It more or less a white onesie and had big ears sticking straight up. One of Mom's coworkers sewed spots on it, and presto! I was a dalmatian. However, even though I was clearly wearing a dog collar, I was mistaken for a cow for all of Halloween day.

1995
cheerleader

1995 must've been a particularly warm Halloween, hence the bare legs. Though I was only eight in 1995, I feel as though my sarcasm was really starting to develop: being a cheerleader for Halloween was the scariest thing I could think of.

1996
cat

Another cold Halloween, as our costumes were comprised mainly of different-colored sweatshirts. My cat ears are a little droopy, but I felt (at the time) like the stuffed mouse really brought the costume together. Please, though, direct your attention to my brother Mitch, who (at age three) is way too delighted to be Satan.

1997
Cruella de Vil

Ah, the year I was Cruella de Vil. Mom (for reasons still unknown) had this old rabbit-fur coat in the back of her closet, and I commandeered it for Halloween that year. My cousin Ethan was a part of the theatre department at SDSU, so he was able to procure (and spray-paint) the wig for me. Another cold-weather costume, but this one was a win. 

1998
gypsy/just-rolled-out-of-bed girl

The first year of the double Halloween costume. I dug through the old dress-up box and was a gypsy for the school Halloween parade. (This was around the time Disney released The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and I totally wished I could be Esmeralda.) I came home in my gypsy outfit, all ready to trick-or-treat, and I was informed that it was too cold to wear it. I would have to find something else. I half-heartedly threw together my "person in pajamas" costume, which is 100% lame. Had I realized that it would be my last year as a trick-or-treater, I'd like to think that I would've come up with something better. We'll never know. (Looking back at this in 2018, I realize now that cultural appropriation is not ok, and I regret my costume choice. However, as an 11-year-old, I had no idea what I was doing. Please forgive me.)

2002
Medieval vampire?

Ok, so I'm not 100% sure what I billed my costume as this year. I do know that it involved this dress that I bought at Goodwill, a vampire cape from KMart, and skeleton earrings. Medieval vampire, perhaps? Who knows.

2003
Count von Disco Bono

Another off-year in my Halloween history. This is the cape that I bought with my friend Allison the year before. The cape itself is pretty awesome - it came from Kmart in Brookings before it closed, and I still have the cape to this day. I also have the skeleton earrings in this picture, which you can see if you look very closely. Anyway, I wanted to dress up for Halloween but was fresh out of ideas, so this is what I got. I called myself Count von Disco Bono: vampire cape + Bono sunglasses + pink plaid bellbottoms. A terrible costume, but a costume nonetheless.

2004
reject Charlie's Angel/beat up band kid/ generic sock hopper

Halloween of my senior year of high school was AWESOME. That was the year our high school football team made it to the state playoffs (and won). Halloween was right around said big game, so all of Halloween (which was on a Sunday, so we celebrated early at school) was one big pep rally day. There were games and snacks and absolutely no productivity whatsoever. My outfit was a red one-piece bell-bottomed monstrosity that I got at Goodwill, plus some go-go boots and a shiny scarf. I was a reject Charlie's Angel. I had to work at the Dairy Mart  that evening, and there was no way that I was doing so in a polyester jumpsuit. I changed into a dress and saddle shoes and was a generic sock-hopper. On Halloween itself, Bob and I dressed up as beat-up band kids and Meagan dressed up as our band director... and we went trick-or-treating at his house. I recall that he and his wife thought we were hilarious. Or hilariously lame. Either way.

2005
band kid

(Editor's note: this qualifies as a different costume than the previous year because a.) I was a beat up band kid in 2004 and just a regular one in 2005, and b.) the beat up band kid costume was not my main costume: an honor I'd give to my reject Charlie's Angel jumpsuit.) 

Yes, friends: this was the first year of the triple costume. Much to my great pleasure, I found all sorts of people at college who loved to dress up at Halloween. I stole adopted my old band uniform - after all, the school had just gotten new ones and was systematically burning/donating/destroying the old uniforms, so I figured that I might as well give mine the loving home it deserved. Anyway, it was the perfect Midwestern costume - made of wool = super warm. And how about that hat? If only I'd had the red plume that goes with it. 

2006
zombie I/sailor-ish/opposite

The triple costume returns! My friend Sara and I attended UMM's first Zombie Prom: though we look like undead pandas, believe me when I say that we were zombies. Halloween was on a Tuesday that year, so we also needed costumes for the preceding weekend: hence my sailor outfit. It's difficult to see in this picture, but my top is an actual wool sailing uniform that I picked up at an antique store. Points for authenticity. Finally, Sara and I had costumes for Halloween itself: we went as opposites. It's the only time that I've ever dressed as a concept for Halloween, and it was a very liberal arts college thing to do. I totally loved it and still think we were a little bit brilliant.

2007
Croc

One of my all-time favourite costumes: the year of the Croc. Ever since I first saw those rubbery horrors, I have cursed their existence. Sara had a pair of pink Crocs that she so graciously let me borrow for this costume. This was the year that Halloween was on a Wednesday, and Wednesday nights were the nights that both Sara (the news editor) and I (the arts and entertainment editor) worked late at the college paper. We put in extra hours on Monday and Tuesday of that week in order to be out the door by 10pm Wednesday - instead of our usual 2am Thursday. Halloween is THAT important.

2008
Norwegian

Thanks to the leap year, Halloween landed on a Friday in 2008. Theoretically, that was great: but we poor band kids had a concert on HALLOWEEN NIGHT. And not even a fun Halloween concert... a regular concert that no one attended BECAUSE IT WAS HALLOWEEN. After the concert, we all booked it back to our houses to get into our Halloween costumes and catch up to the rest of our non-band friends. My costume is an authentic Norwegian folk costume, given to me by my authentic Norwegian grandma. And made of wool. The best Minnesotan Halloween costumes are wool-based.

2010
Lobster Telephone/skeleton vampire

 

I was living in Minneapolis in 2010, which is an all-around excellent place to spend Halloween. I had finished my tenure as an intern at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts, but during my time there, I learned about all sorts of cool events that they sponsor. Example: they do this thing called Third Thursdays where, the third Thursday of each month, they keep the museum open late and have some kind of big event. On this particular Third Thursday, the MIA asked attendees to come dressed as their favorite MIA work of art. I chose Dali's Lobster Telephone because why on earth WOULDN'T you choose Lobster Telephone? That same weekend, James and I went to a performance of Psycho with the Minnesota Orchestra - the movie was playing on a screen behind the orchestra while they played the soundtrack. It was amazing. I had purchased this skeleton shirt at Walmart in college (2007? probably?). It was child-sized and glowed in the dark and I loved it. Oddly, this is not the last appearance of me in child-sized skeleton apparel.

2011
Rocky Horror fail/old-timey teacher

By 2011, I had moved to Sioux Falls and had been there for approximately one month. I wore the costume on the left to a midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, hoping that it would be as amazing as the midnight showing I had seen in Minneapolis the year before. (Note: it wasn't.) My Rocky Horror outfit was not as risque as a real Rocky Horror outfit should be, but what can I say? It was cold, and I was a chicken. The costume on the left is the one I wore to work at the Department of Labor and Regulation. I was dead-broke, so I had to pretty much phone this one in. I carried a ruler and was an old-timey teacher - the dress belonged to my grandma in the 60s, who was real-life old-timey teacher. Again, points for authenticity.

2012
Batman

By Halloween 2012, I was gainfully employed at the library and was delighted to find out that nearly everyone at the library dressed up for Halloween. The library costumes were all part of a theme, and the theme that year was superheroes. That worked out perfectly for me, as my brother Mitch had given me this spectacular pair of pajamas for Christmas the year before. And may I say that James's Pee-Wee Herman costume is simply amazing? 

2013
zombie II/Duck Dynasty/Mary Poppins

    

2013 was the first year that we participated in the Zombie Walk... and I didn't really even get to be in it. The parade started at 5 o'clock, but I worked until 5... I thought I could quick run over, find James and our friend Nate, and quick get my makeup done and hop in the parade. Alas, by the time I left the library and made it to the zombie area (approx. two minutes), the parade was over. So I found James and Nate at a restaurant, and they did my makeup while we were waiting for a table. For Halloween itself, the library's theme costume was Duck Dynasty (NOT MY VOTE - I need you to know that), but my REAL costume was Mary Poppins - and this was the first (and so far, only) year James and I have had couples' costumes. 

2014
zombie III/Buster Bluth

We arrive at 2014. Mitch made it for the Zombie Walk, and I feel as though our makeup was much better than the year before. For Halloween, I convinced the library to go with a "TV characters" theme just because I had been dying to go as Buster Bluth. I repurposed the Duck Dynasty jacket from the year before and bought camo pants, a hook, an army hat, wire glasses, and a loose seal - complete with a yellow bow tie. It was the most I'd ever spent on a Halloween costume, and the hardest I'd ever worked on one. And you know what? Almost NO ONE got it. At the bar that evening, one guy yelled out "Motherboy," which was a spot-on Buster Bluth reference and totally made my night.

2015

zombie IV/Maleficent/Marla Hooch

2015 was a particularly strong year for me, and I'm really quite proud of my costumes. Of course, there was the zombie element: I went to both the Minneapolis Zombie Pub Crawl and the Sioux Falls Zombie Walk, so zombie squared. (I'm only including the one picture, though, since my zombie costume was the same.) For work, I dressed as Maleficent. Our work theme was heroes and villains, and I was only one of two villains. I got a lot of great compliments on my costume that day, and no less than three people asked to take a picture of/with me. But what really struck me as hilarious was that for every one person who commented on my costume, there were at least three more who pretended like absolutely nothing was out of the ordinary. On Halloween itself, I dressed as a Rockford Peach - specifically, Marla Hooch. "And then there's Marla Hooch... what a hitter!"

2016

zombie V/zombie David Bowie/Scarlett O'Hara

Here I am at the 2016 Minneapolis Zombie Pub Crawl, in my child-size skeleton onesie. We had initially planned to go as Zombie Clue (which would've been AWESOME), but two members of our group couldn't come. Instead of looking like idiots when we dressed as just part of Zombie Clue, we went with the classic random zombie horde. I found my costume the day of at Goodwill. Typical zombie behavior. In the middle is my costume for the Sioux Falls Zombie Walk: my FAVORITE event of the year. James went as Zombie Prince, and I was Zombie David Bowie. Too soon. Finally, on actual Halloween, I dressed as Scarlett O'Hara. Hoop skirt and all. 

2017

zombie dinosaur/jellyfish

 

2017 was the year I started grad school. My program is set up so that the bulk of it is online, but we do meet in person in Sioux Falls for intensive weekends from time to time. One of the intensive weekends (which are super NOT optional) landed on Zombie Walk weekend. The class went from 9am - 5pm on Friday. Zombie Walk starts promptly at 5 downtown. The second class let out, I bolted to the parking lot, where James was waiting for me with my dinosaur onesie costume, a Zombie Walk entry pin, and a bag of zombie makeup. While he drove us downtown, I did my makeup in the car. Not too bad for hastily applied car zombie makeup, I must say. For Halloween itself, I dressed up like a jellyfish: my most ambitious handmade costume to date. I had a tutu, iridescent leggings, fairy lights wound inside my tutu, glitter glued to my face, and a billion strands of glittery ribbon hot-glued to my tutu. I left a trail of glitter wherever I went (I STILL find glitter in my car), but it was AWESOME.

2018

zombie Marty McFly/Marla Hooch reprise/Beetlejuice/Winifred Sanderson

 

2018 was AWESOME. It was the first year I had QUADRUPLE costumes. 2018 was the first year James and I went as couple zombies to the Zombie Walk, and I have to say, we were a hit. And by that, I mean we got lots of high-fives. Plus, my Marty McFly vest was super warm during the cold and rainy parade, so that was an unexpected bonus. After the Zombie Walk, our friends Bob and Luke hosted a "nevertheless, she trick-or-treated" Halloween party, and you were to dress as a strong woman. So Marla Hooch made a comeback, as did Maleficent (but on James this time). This was James's first time dressing as a woman for Halloween, and he was super into how comfortable Maleficent's robe was. My Beetlejuice costume was for a Halloween-themed murder mystery event we had at the library. My goal as a child was to have a career that allowed me to dress up for Halloween, and I hit the jackpot as a librarian. I got my Winifred Sanderson costume at the Halloween store on November 1 2017- 50% off! I have wanted to be Winifred Sanderson FOREVER, and this year was finally my year. And this was the same year we had a teeny black kitten (named Ned) who could pose as my Binx.

2019

zombie Bojack Horseman/Captain Hook/traditional vampire/Willy Wonka/grim reaper

 

 

You guys. Five costumes, one Halloween season. A personal best. This was made possible by having two Halloween library programs instead of just one. 2019 saw the sixth year of me as a zombie - this year, I was zombie Bojack Horseman and James was zombie Todd. The horse head mask was impossible to see in and stunk like disgusting rubber, so this picture was the only time I actually wore it over my head. I had actual zombie makeup on under there; I promise. That same evening, we went to a Halloween party at our friends' house, at which I won the popular vote for best costume. I've never worn a fake mustache before, and let me tell you, it's not for the weak. The library had our Halloween murder mystery a few days later, and this had a vampire theme. I dug out my vampire cape from 2002, but I was a more traditional vampire - not to be confused with whatever medieval vampire I was in 2002 or Count von Disco Bono in 2003. I even had fangs. On Halloween itself, I dressed as Willy Wonka: a costume that had been on my to-do list for ages. It turns out all I had to do was buy the hat, the bowtie, and the blazer, and a costume was born. The blazer is some cheap polyester thing from Amazon, but I ended up actually liking it, so it already has a home in my business casual rotation. Then, on Halloween night, the library had a haunted pumpkin patch story time. It was AWESOME. We decorated the pumpkin patch, read scary stories, and had staff scaring children. I was the Grim Reaper, and it is my favourite library program to date.

2020

Landshark/Ursula/Brienne of Tarth

 

  

Ah yes... COVID-ween. I've been some kind of zombie every year since 2013, and COVID forced me to break my streak. Zombiewalk was canceled, and rightly so, but I couldn't help but be a little bummed out about it. We also couldn't have a Halloween program at the library. I started off as Landshark on the Friday before Halloween - that's when us working folks dress up, after all. I volunteered to work at the library on Halloween day, mostly so I could wear another costume. I am a huge fan of Disney villains, so I chose Ursula and put my costume together thanks to a mishmash of things I ordered on Amazon. Finally, it was Phineas's first Halloween, so James and I had to make it count. It was also essential to put him in awesome costumes when he's young because he doesn't have any say. So we were  Tormund Giantsbane, Brienne of Tarth, and a dire wolf. (If you're not familiar with Game of Thrones, I apologize.)

2021

bcat-cbat/snail/Buttercup

My first costume is actually a bat, but I kept getting mistaken for a cat, so here we are. My snail costume is made out of library packaging material and a metric ton of hot glue. Our big family costume this year was Buttercup, Westley, and a Rodent of Unusual Size (who would not wear his cute mouse hat).

2022

zombie Winifred Sanderson/Maleficent reprise/ Instagram/Golden Gate Bridge/Oscar the Grouch

 

I am SO delighted to be back to my five-costume rotation. The library had a zombie program a couple of weeks before Halloween, and zombie costumes were encouraged. The local brewery has bingo every month, and this month included a costume contest. I won for "scariest." (There were like five people dressed up, but a win is a win.) The "Instagram v Reality" costume was a great last-minute costume which I find more hilarious as I look at it. Every year, I have a costume I am particularly excited about, and this year, it's the Golden Gate Bridge. Some of my favorite costumes of all time have been inanimate objects. Lastly, the three of us dressed up as Sesame Street characters for trick-or-treating with Phineas. 

 

2023

Weird Al/Arthur/the Joker

I admit, I was a little nervous about what Halloween would mean for me in 2023. My original due date with Robin was October 22, so I could have still been in the hospital or he could have been in the NICU. Robin ended up being born on October 4 and needing no time in the NICU, so that worked out well. My first costume of the year was for Halloween-themed rotary bingo at the brewery, at which I won a prize for "most hilarious." On Halloween day, there was an event at Phineas's preschool where adults were welcome to dress up, so obviously, I did. As Arthur the aardvark. Finally, the family costume: Batman, Robin (ha), the Joker, and the Riddler. The first Halloween as a family of four.

2024

anglerfish/Rose/the Dude

 

Halloween Rotary Bingo now a tradition, so my friends and I showed up to bingo all dressed up... only to find we were the only ones in costume. Turns out Rotary thought it was too far away from actual Halloween (it was on October 24), so they didn't make it a costume contest. Joke was on them, because the costume table (five of us) won four times. My greatest dream as a family of four was to dress up as the Golden Girls, but Phineas was proving to be a tough sell. He wanted to be a washing machine. Then a monster. Then a SCARY washing machine. We were going to a special trick-or-treating event at our friends' farm, and I played it super cool and suggested maybe he wanted to be an old lady? To my surprise, Phineas said YES HE WOULD. Phineas thought the glasses were the funniest thing he'd ever seen, so he got to be Sophia. He also loved the purse. Both kids left their wigs alone - probably because it was cold out and the wigs were basically hats. James was Blanche because the yellow vintage dress fit him and the pink one didn't, and I thought the pink one was more Rose. That left Dorothy for Robin! Finally, I was the Dude from The Big Lebowski. Or His Dudeness, or the Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing. The number of people who knew who I was was discouraging, but I know it was a good costume, and that's what counts.

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And there's my lifetime of Halloweens! Rest assured I will continue adding to this list as the years go on, because you're never too old for Halloween. NEVER.