the library and the lemon boiler.

In September 2023, the library got a new boiler.

"All right!" we said. "Just in time for winter!"

"Suckers" said the new boiler.

You see, our old boiler had been acting up for some time. I don't know exactly how old the "old" boiler was, but it was old enough so it was time to be replaced with something newer and flashier. 

Our old boiler's favorite trick was to roast whoever was in the basement. The library basement is where we hold our programs, and it is available as a meeting space for the public. For as long as I have been at the library (seven years in February), the basement has been HOT. I mean HOT. Hot enough to scrounge up fans to keep whoever was down there from passing out. 

Occasionally, the boiler chose to shut down for no apparent reason. It was essential to keep a spare sweater around for these boiler temper tantrums.

Either a heat wave or a cold snap from the boiler could happen no matter the season. The boiler did what it wanted, including leaking all over the basement at random intervals. It got so bad our HVAC guy gave us his direct number so we didn't have to go through the regular service line any more.

But then it was our turn for a new one! Our problems would be solved! We would deal with a little discomfort in September when we might not have air or heat for a brief period of time, but what a small price to pay for reliable heat and air.

We started having trouble almost immediately.

I can't remember what came first - the blistering heat or the icy cold. Whatever it was, it made the old boiler look like a mild breeze. There were days when it was as hot as 80 degrees or as cold as 56 degrees in the library.

Either way, we librarians did what we could to deal with it. On the hot days, we opened every window and door. We ordered extra fans and spread them through the library. We dressed for summer in the middle of winter. 

On the cold days, we did the opposite. We dressed for winter in the middle of summer: my go-to outfit was wool socks, snow boots, and two wool sweaters layered on top of each other. Oh, and fingerless gloves for attempting to type. You'd better believe we have blankets, too.

Like all good office employees, I have a snack drawer. In this snack drawer, among other things, I have candy. It's been so hot in here that my Reeses have melted into blobs, but so cold that my peanut M&Ms have more or less been in a freezer. 

This new boiler must have a vendetta against us. Right now, we are in the middle of a stretch of it freezing us out at the library - it's been between 59 and 57 at the library for three days. Our poor HVAC guy has been here the whole time and finally had to fire up the old boiler to get us through. Turns out the new boiler blew out not one, but both of its pumps. 

Who knew as a librarian I would be thinking so much about boilers?

If/when we replace our new boiler with a boiler that isn't terrible, I am going to go Office Space on that miserable thing. That beautiful thought is all that's keeping me warm on the inside right now.