ten outfits under $35, part XIV.

I'm BACK with more cheap outfits! Thanks mostly to me not being pregnant any more. The last cheap outfit post consisted of only outfits I wore when I was pregnant. I was running out of things that fit (as it goes with pregnancy). But since I had my son, I can wear more stuff again! YAY!

So this is volume 14, but I would highly encourage you to look back at these older posts. They're not just a photographic history of how my style has evolved over time, but they're kind of a time capsule. The first one dates back to spring 2013, months before I got married. You can see how skinny I was, and you can see the less-than-ideal apartment in which were living. As the posts go on, you can see the photography improve, as well as my personal style. You can see me phase out bootcut jeans and short shorts. You'll see me stop focusing on shopping at Goodwill and instead look for the same (sometimes even better) deals at consignment stores and boutiques. You'll also see names of stores that no longer exist, like Wet Seal (remember that store? me neither), Younkers, Shopko, and Charlotte Russe. 

$40 or less
$30 or less
under $35, part I
under $35, part II
under $35, part III
under $35, part IV
under $35, part V
under $35, part VI 
under $35, part VII
under $35, part VIII

under $35, part IX

under $35, part X  
under $35, part XI 

under $35, part XII 
under $35, part XIII

Anyway.

Here's volume XIV!

dress – Yellow Umbrella – $34.40 (20% off)

booties – DSW – FREE! (gift card!)

Irene class ring – gift from Mom/Grandma

TOTAL: $34.40

  
In order to be a bonafide Minnesotan, one's closet must contain a certain amount of buffalo plaid. Not just plaid: it must be buffalo. I have plenty myself, and this dress is the most recent addition. I LOVE it - I bought in on sale from the cutest clothing store in Bemidji, and it's a great length for me. Plus pockets. I am 30 weeks pregnant in this picture and have yet to purchase any maternity wear (besides pants. you really can't get away without buying maternity pants), and this dress can be worn during pregnancy and beyond. The ring I'm wearing is hard to see, but it belonged to my great aunt Sylvia when she graduated from the high school in Irene, South Dakota in the 1930s. I am absolutely in love with jewelry with a story.

dress – Lucy Avenue – FREE! (buy one dress, get one free)

booties – Target – $28.49 (25% off)

dandelion earrings – Etsy – about $6 for supplies

TOTAL: $34.49

Ok, so now I'm 34 weeks pregnant and STILL have yet to purchase maternity clothes besides pants. I have had to give up on a lot of my shirts, as any viable shirt has to be SUPER long/voluminous to cover my belly. What I have done is found some pretty great deals on dresses with stretchy elastic waists, so here we are! I have recently discovered a boutique called Lucy Avenue, and they have flash sales from time to time in which you buy one clothing item and get another clothing item of that type for free. Count me in, obviously.

jumpsuit – Maurices – $13.98 (clearance + $10 in coupons)

sandals – Maurices – $17 (buy one get one 50% off)

topaz cameo earrings – Etsy – about $4 for supplies

TOTAL: $30.98

Check it out! I'm not pregnant any more! That means I can fit into way more clothes than I used to, but it also means my body is a totally different shape than it was pre-pregnancy. This jumpsuit was a total steal, and it is the most comfortable workwear I own. Same for the shoes. I am getting back into jewelry making, which was pretty much put on hold during pregnancy. I had pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel, which caused me to lose feeling in my fingers... not great when you're trying to work with teeny pliers and jewelry pieces. But now my hands work again and I can make stuff! Like the earrings I'm wearing!

shirt – Lucy Avenue – FREE! (buy one shirt, get one free)

jeans – AE – $29.99

boots – TOMS – FREE! (post office lost)

bracelet – Etsy – about $5 for supplies

TOTAL: $34.99

I got this shirt in the same kind of sale as the dress from a few photos back. I'm such a sucker for embroidery. I have recently gotten back into making bracelets, and the one I'm wearing is one of many I've made in the past few weeks. Guaranteed there will be more.

grey floral embroidered dress – Lucy Avenue – FREE! (winter buy one get one free)

gold oxford flats – Modcloth – $29.99

blue opal earrings – Etsy – about $5 for supplies

TOTAL: $34.99

Again with the free stuff. This dress is comfortable, embroidered, AND has pockets. I can't ask for much more. I have a serious thing for oxford-style shoes, and Modcloth never fails to pull through for me. I recently discovered blue opals (thanks, Etsy) and are really loving their colors. Hence the earrings.

shirt – One Loved Babe – $ 19 (buy one get one 50% off)

shorts – Target – FREE! (submitted a return, Target said keep them)

shoes – Primp – $11.60 (70% off)

cameo earrings – Etsy – about $3 for supplies

TOTAL: $33.60

One Loved Babe is one of my new favourite online boutiques, but their name is pretty ridiculous. However, as you can see, they have pretty great sales (especially for a boutique). I bought these shorts from Target.com during COVID. When they arrived, I decided I didn't really need them and submitted an online return form. Lo and behold, Target gave me a refund and said to just keep the shorts. That's a first! 

shirt – Lucy Avenue – FREE! (buy one shirt, get one free)

jeans – AE – $29.99

shoes – DSW – FREE! (buy one pair of sandals, get another free)

Irish marble earrings – Etsy/gift from Tomi – about $3 for supplies

TOTAL: $32.99

Ok, ok, this is my last free thing from Lucy Avenue. For now. I was a little worried this shirt would be too short, but THANK GOODNESS for super high rise jeans like these. They also help hold in my post-partum belly, so let's all tip our hats to high-rise jeans. My brother's girlfriend Tomi went to Ireland earlier this year and brought me back green Irish connemara marble so I could make jewelry out of them. She's the best.

dress – World Market – $31.49 (30% off clothing)

shoes – DSW – FREE! (were $40, $100 off)

necklace – gift from Mom/Grandma

TOTAL: $31.49

I never really thought of World Market as a place for clothes until I was pregnant. Then? Maxi dresses galore. I am in LOVE with this color, and again with the embroidery. My grandma Lorraine had the best style - and also hung onto things. This amazing rhinestone necklace was in her jewelry box when she moved into her assisted living apartment, and Mom gifted it to me. How cool is that?

kimono – Chelsea’s – FREE! (winter buy one get one free)

pants – Target – $27.99

shoes – DSW – FREE! (was $90, all sorts of coupons/discounts)

earrings - Etsy - about $5 for supplies

TOTAL: $32.99

Chelsea's, a boutique in Sioux Falls, had a buy-one-get-one-free sale this winter. I rarely shop at Chelsea's because it's kind of overpriced (in my humble opinion), but obviously, that sign lured me in. This was one of the freebies, and I love it. I love the color, and I loved that it fit my then-pregnant self. And since we're being honest, know that I just barely squeezed myself into these pants. I bought them pre-pregnancy and wore them to work constantly. They WILL fit me again, DAMMIT. (This picture makes me look deceptively skinny. Thanks for that, photographer James!)

dress – Target – $27.16 (5% off + Target Circle + $1 for order consolidation)

shoes – DSW – FREE! (was $90, all sorts of coupons/discounts)

blue tiger eye earrings – Etsy – about $5 for supplies

TOTAL: $32.16

This dress is from the Target junior's section - a place I never venture. But I bought it online, so I didn't actually know it was a junior's dress at the time. Question: do you use Target Circle? If you don't, you need to GET ON IT. There are always little discounts here and there, and you earn a portion of your purchases back in credit to apply later. Plus, if you order online, they'll give you a dollar off by combining your shipments to come all at the same time instead of as they're available. DO IT. 

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Friends, that's it for volume 14 of my clothes under $35/volume 16 of cheap clothes overall. I've recently discovered Poshmark, so be warned: there are plenty more cheap outfits in my future.

the almighty Aperol Spritz.

One year ago today, I was in Europe.

So much has happened in that year. Here's the short list:

I found out I was pregnant.
I graduated with my Masters Degree. 
James and I bought and moved into a new house.
I was diagnosed with preeclampsia, had Phineas a month early, and he spent a month in the NICU.
COVID-19.
George Floyd.

Some good, some bad, all unforgettable.

I keep thinking back to when I was in Europe, and the ONLY one of these things on my radar was graduating. Life was much simpler back then.

I miss being in Europe with a deep ache I have never experienced before. I miss the food, the drinks, the culture, the architecture. Most of all, I miss the amazing times with amazing people.

Thankfully, the amazing people aren't too far away. And when we get together, there is one drink we can have to bring us right back to Europe.

The Aperol Spritz.

I wish I could remember what exactly made Kim and me want to try Aperol Spritzes, but I can tell you exactly where we were. We had gone with our friends Amanda and Sunny to a bar called the Centralhjørnet, the oldest gay bar in Denmark (if not Europe itself). It was the coziest little bar, and we loved every second of it. Maybe Kim and I saw Aperol Spritzes advertised in the bar, or maybe it was a special... but we'd never heard of such a thing, and we were intrigued.

We were hooked.

For the uninitiated, an Aperol Spritz is an aperitif made of prosecco, soda water, and Aperol. Aperol is made of gentian, rhubarb, and cinchona. The flavor is hard to describe, besides slightly bitter and summery. According to the all-knowing Wikipedia, the Aperol Spritz wasn't popular outside of northeast Italy until 2018, which could explain why we'd never heard of it.

Kim and I were on the lookout for Aperol Spritzes the rest of the trip. The next day was our last day in Copenhagen, and we wanted an Aperol Spritz for our last evening. We were thwarted at a bar called Jolene...

...but succeeded at Restaurant Gorilla next door.

Upon arriving in Germany, we promptly switched to German beer. Radlers and Hefeweizens and Kölschs and Witbiers galore.

(Until we stumbled across an Aperol booth at a German festival of cultures, that is.)

When we returned from Europe, Kim and I immediately set about recreating our spritzes.

This is just a few weeks after our return.

 

This is just a few weeks ago. I need to get more Aperol.

No Aperol Spritz will ever taste as good as those in Europe, but nothing can bring me back faster than a taste of that delicious orange drink. And I sit back and remember what a wonderful time it was.

Long live the Aperol Spritz.

what are we going to tell Phineas?

My son Phineas was born on March 5, 2020.

Right before COVID hit the US hard.

We'd all been aware of it for a couple of weeks, but no one around here was really worried about it on March 5, 2020.

In less than a week, the country shut down. James started distance learning. My library closed to the public. Visitors were no longer allowed in the NICU, where Phineas spent the first month of his life. A week after that, only one parent at a time was allowed in.

When we brought Phineas home a month ago, we brought him to a different world than the one I left when I went into the hospital. We couldn't introduce him to our family and friends. We couldn't take him places. When he went to the clinic for his first visit, only one of us could come with him.

James and I thought we had it pretty rough. Here we were with a newborn, totally isolated from our support system. My mental health deteriorated, and I felt pretty sorry for our little family.

Slowly, Phineas began to meet our friends and family. My parents got to hold him again, which they hadn't done since his first week in the NICU. We read all sorts of heartwarming stories about people being so good to each other during this time of isolation. Things were not totally normal, but they seemed to be improving. We had our people again. We were feeling like things might just be ok.

Until last week, when George Floyd was murdered.

How horrific is it that police officers murdering black men is so common in our country that we now say, "Again?" when we hear of another incident. We ask why. We demand change and accountability. We protest and march with our broken hearts. But the same thing keeps happening.

As a white person, I can never truly understand the pain and the fear. My son is a white male, and if he turns out to be straight and cisgender, he will know privilege even greater than my own. I look into his deep blue eyes and tell him, every day, that it will be up to him to stop this world from burning. To use his privilege for good. To never EVER believe he is superior to anyone else because of how he looks. 

When Phineas is old enough to understand what happened in the months following his birth, he will want to know why. Why did this happen? Why is it so commonplace? Why did the president encourage shooting the protestors? 

What are we going to tell him?

We are going to tell him that we failed. We, as a country, have failed. Though James and I did not vote for Donald Trump in 2016, we also were complacent in assuming he would never win. We did no campaigning. We did no fundraising. We didn't take it upon ourselves to encourage others to vote. We knew Hillary Clinton would be our next president. That makes us part of the problem.

When the protests escalated in Minneapolis last week, James and I watched as our beloved city burned. We read about the white supremacists arriving by the busload, determined to cause as much damage as they could. We wondered: if Trump had not been president, would white supremacy be as rampant and public as it is today? I doubt it.

Today, Phineas is nearly three months old. In the short time he's been alive, the country has changed. Things weren't great before he was born, but things have become worse than I had ever imagined. 

My heart breaks for the family of George Floyd and the families of all the murdered black men and women before him. How can this still be happening in 2020? I am ashamed to call myself an American, and I am ashamed I couldn't bring my son into a better world. 

What are we going to tell Phineas?

We're going to tell him that the bad guys will never win. With all its problems, the United States is full of compassionate, dedicated, and fierce people. I hope I am one of them. As long as there are people that that fighting the good fight, the Donald Trumps and the Derek Chauvins and the David Dukes will never triumph. It's a dark time right now, and though it seems a bit hopeless, as long as we don't give up, we will beat them. 

Sooner or later, good always wins.

But we have to be the good. We have to raise our children to be the good. We cannot stay silent. 

So, Phineas, I know what I'll tell you. I will tell you to never stop fighting for what is right.

the Orange City Tulip Festival.

Like all Midwesterners, I spend every winter and early spring eagerly anticipating the glorious late spring and summer weather we so desperately need. One of the best parts about that season is every weekend has some kind of festival. No one knows how to appreciate nice weather like Midwesterners, and we jam-pack every minute we can with celebrations. 

The Tulip Festival in Orange City, Iowa takes place the third weekend in May. Mom and I have been going every year since 2015, and it's one of our favourite traditions. 

Tulip Festival 2016

2015 doesn't seem like a super long time for a tradition, but considering 2015 was the first time we'd even heard of such a festival (as we are South Dakotans and rarely ventured into Iowa when I was a kid), it's a good long time.

Tulip Festival 2015

To me, the Tulip Festival marks the official kick-off to summer. It's either raining or blazing hot, like all Midwestern summers. The food stands and carnival rides are out in full force, as are the people. The Tulip Festival is a Thursday-Friday-Saturday event, and Mom and I always go on Friday. We do this because Friday was the day the Ellsworth marching band performed in the parade, and we loved to see James in action. Plus, the crowds were thinner on Friday because it was still a workday, and we didn't have to stand in line as long for our poffertjes. 

Ohhh, poffertjes.

Tulip Festival 2018

These little treats are the #1 Tulip Festival attraction - more so than even the tulips, I would argue. They are little Dutch pancakes served hot with powdered sugar and rum butter, and they are truly delightful. Over the years, Mom and I developed a pofftertje strategy: the poffertje stand ("the Little White Store") was always our first stop, where we would each get a serving of poffertjes (and inevitably end up covered in powdered sugar). At the end of our Tulip Festival Day, we would stop back and get a serving to share. Mom and I would usually sit on a bench outside the Little White Store and reflect on yet another successful Tulip Festival. 

Tulip Festival 2019

Our days began and ended with poffertjes, but there was plenty of activity in between. There was the street-cleaning and the parade, which showcased marching bands from all over the tri-state area. There was always Woudstra Meat Market to visit with their delicious wine and cheese samples, and we typically got lunch at their food stand next door. We would visit the street organ and sometimes catch a wooden shoe carving demonstration. We'd grab some late-afternoon coffee at Town Square Coffee House. Mom and I always stopped in our favourite downtown shops, like Next Door Boutique (with the loveliest owner named Jenni who remembers us from our yearly visits), the Hands Around the World global market, Holland House for the annual Tulip Festival t-shirt, and Windmill Park Jewelry, the local jeweler who creates a special piece of jewelry to commemorate each Tulip Festival. 

Mom bought me this jacket at Next Door Boutique last year, and I wear it CONSTANTLY.

And the tulips. Oh, the tulips. 

Seas of color. Tulips are one of my favourite flowers, and I love to see them in all their glory in Orange City. The varieties are seemingly endless. I couldn't even tell you how many hundreds of tulip pictures I've taken in Orange City over the years. They always lift my spirits and remind me that spring is HERE. We made it through winter alive, and the next few months are going to be glorious.

Are you wondering why I'm talking about the Tulip Festival in the past tense?

Because it's canceled for 2020.

When COVID really kicked off around here in early March, I wondered for a second if it would effect my beloved Tulip Festival. I didn't think too long about it because it was still two-and-a-half months off. COVID would surely be resolved by then. 

Obviously, it's not, and the Tulip Festival was canceled for the safety of all those involved. 

To be honest, I'm a little bit devastated. I look forward to the Tulip Festival every year, but I was especially excited this year. After having a baby in early March, the Tulip Festival would be a marker of normalcy for me. Yes, I'm a mom now, but I can still do the things I love with the people I love, right?

Of course, I know it's for the best. I don't want to put anyone in danger, and I respect the decision. But I can still be disappointed. 

Mom and I haven't missed a Tulip Festival since we first started going in 2015. We decided we're not going to count 2020 as missing a year - if there's no Tulip Festival happening, then there's no Tulip Festival to miss. So our tradition remains unbroken.

In the meantime, the tulips are still blooming. Festival or not, they're just as beautiful.

motherhood and the right to choose.

I have been pro-choice my entire adult life. 

But now I’m a mother.

One of the favourite arguments of the anti-choice is “you’ll feel different once you become a mother.”

And you know what?

I do feel different.

Now that I’m a mother, I’m more pro-choice than ever before.

James and I got pregnant when we were both 32 years old. We both had good full-time jobs with health insurance, a house, and little debt. I had just completed my masters degree, and we were both healthy. We were ready - or, as ready as we’d ever be.

Even with all those advantages, pregnancy is still very hard. I cannot imagine going through this without it being something I chose to do. 

I was absolutely miserable for the first few months of pregnancy. Even after the constant sickness had passed, I was still dead tired and in weird uncomfortable pain nearly all the time. 




When I was about eight months pregnant, I began to have problems with elevated blood pressure. I wound up being placed on a battery of medications, being admitted to the hospital, dosed with magnesium, delivering my son five weeks early, and remaining in the hospital for several more days. I was not able to see my baby for the first 24 hours of his life due to the magnesium, and he had to stay in the NICU for a month.

(I say all this acknowledging that so many others have much more difficult pregnancies and deliveries than I did.)

I am fortunate not only to have a professional level full-time job and a home, but a supportive partner and an outstanding network of family and friends. So many who become pregnant do not have this luxury. I can’t imagine doing this without them. If any one of those things disappeared from my life, my situation would become incredibly stressful. Without any one of those things, I would not have chosen to get pregnant at all. And I was able to make that choice because of access to birth control. 

Being pregnant is also expensive. Without health insurance, the bills for visits would be overwhelming. Without paid time off from work to go to these appointments, without an understanding employer who has no problems letting me go, these monthly, then bi-weekly, then weekly appointments would be an incredible challenge.

Pregnancy comes with additional expenses besides the appointments. There are the vitamins, the maternity clothes, the healthier food you’re supposed to eat… not everyone can afford these things. Even if you choose adoption, you’re still on the hook for these things.

And that’s just pregnancy. When your baby arrives, there’s an entire section at Target filled with the things your baby “needs.” And that's not to mention the delivery. We recently received the explanation of benefits from our insurance company, which encompassed my hospital stay and our baby's delivery (we still don't know how much the NICU stay will cost). The total amount the hospital billed to insurance cost north of $50,000. Thanks to insurance, we don't have to pay the entire cost, but we're still responsible for a fair sum. Can you imagine having to pay that amount without insurance?

And there's the emotional cost, as well. I found it incredibly difficult to learn to be a mother - the lack of sleep, the thankless work, the hormonal roller coaster. It's getting easier every day, but I'm eight weeks in and struggling. I recently returned to work half-time, and I am so grateful for the opportunity to ease back into my work routine. I love our son dearly, but all of this has been an unprecedented challenge for me.

All this to say James and I are now in a position to do these things. We chose to have this baby at a time that was right for us. The time that was right for us is certainly not the same for anyone else. There are those who choose to carry an unplanned pregnancy to term, those without partners, those without family support systems. And that's great: to have the ability to choose. What, I would ask, is wrong with that?

Let’s pretend that James and I got pregnant ten years ago. Ten years ago, I was fortunate to have the same supportive partner and family/friends and the same level of health, but that’s about it. In 2010, we were 23 and living in Minneapolis. I was an unpaid intern at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts, and I was also working four part-time jobs to try and pay rent. James was student teaching and making money on weekends by doing odd jobs and playing gigs. Financial stability was a few years off. Being parents at that time was unthinkable - we could barely make ends meet for ourselves. Thankfully, we never did get pregnant when we were not in a position to.

And that’s because of Planned Parenthood.

Planned Parenthood provided me with free birth control in college when I was too scared to ask my regular provider. Planned Parenthood provided me with affordable birth control when I was out of college and could barely afford to feed myself. Planned Parenthood was a lifesaver.

That’s what the anti-choice movement seems to forget about Planned Parenthood. Planned Parenthood offers so much more than abortions. Planned Parenthood exists so women can get the healthcare and birth control they need, even if they can’t afford it. And yes, sometimes that health care includes abortions. But thanks to affordable birth control, the abortion rate is low.

This past November, while five months pregnant, I decided to watch Unplanned: the biopic about the former Planned Parenthood clinic director who “saw the light” and is now an anti-choice activist. I only made it half an hour before working myself into a rage so white-hot that James insisted I turn off the movie for fear my stress level would harm our unborn son.

The movie is propaganda: plain and simple. In those 30 minutes, I saw two wildly inaccurate portrayals of abortion. I saw Planned Parenthood depicted as a money-hungry machine, filled with cold people only interested in a profit. There’s one scene where the main character’s boss actually presses her to get an abortion so her work isn’t interrupted. What the actual fuck. Of course, the Coalition for Life Christians on the other side of the fence are portrayed as gentle and loving, holding no judgment. I can’t say that’s been my experience with anti-choice Christians.

Unplanned disgusted me, but not in the way its producers intended. To me, it’s a gross misrepresentation of Planned Parenthood and the difficult choice to have an abortion. I can’t imagine this film changing any minds - it will only reinforce what you already believe. It did that for me. Immediately after turning off the film, I logged into Planned Parenthood and upped my monthly donation.

The conservative right loves to argue against abortion, using familiar phrases like “life begins at conception” and “children are God’s miracle.” Here’s what absolutely gets me: the right is hell-bent on eliminating access to abortions, but once the baby is born, do they care at all about its welfare? No. No, they don’t. The right would love to cut programs like food stamps and WIC, daycare assistance and supplemental income. Once outside of the womb, that baby is no longer the right’s concern. Why is this baby more of a human worth of their time and money when it’s unborn?

And this “God’s miracle” nonsense. As an atheist, the miracle stuff is a non-starter with me. But I’d like to know: what kind of “miracle” is a pregnancy resulting from incest or rape? A woman should never be forced to carry through a pregnancy she doesn’t want, especially in the case of such a horrendous crime. But our government would have these women - victims - endure yet another trauma. 

Having a baby is the biggest and most impactful choice a woman can ever make. Think about it: if you marry the wrong person, you can get a divorce. If you're in the wrong job, you can get a new one. You can move out of the wrong house or the wrong city. You can change majors. Most decisions you make can eventually be undone.

Except motherhood. 

So all the more reason to have access to birth control and safe abortion options.

You’ve heard this before, and this won’t be the last time you hear it. But it’s my absolute firm belief.

If you are against abortion, don’t have one.

It seems so simple. No one will force you to have an abortion against your will. But as it stands, our government WILL force you to carry a pregnancy to term against your will. They will do this by restricting access via “heartbeat laws” and other hoops to jump through, like ultrasound viewings and 72-hour waiting periods. It’s your body, and if you are pregnant, it should absolutely be your choice as to how to proceed with that pregnancy. I am continually dumbfounded as to how this is even still a debate. Your body, your choice. It’s simple. 

But of course, it isn’t that simple. 

It’s been almost 50 years since Roe vs Wade, and we haven’t progressed like we should have. Abortion is a right. In my lifetime, will it be treated like one?

I can hope. 
I can donate.

And I can vote.

In the meantime, I will continue my unwavering support of abortion rights and Planned Parenthood. I will vote. I will do whatever I can so our daughters and granddaughters have more rights than we do.